


Is This More Than You Bargained For Yet

by orphan_account



Category: Bandom, Panic At The Disco
Genre: M/M, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-01-26
Updated: 2009-01-26
Packaged: 2017-10-11 16:17:52
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 10,662
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/114274
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Spencer  and Haley have a request for Brendon. What? It worked for everyone  else.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This was originally intended to be a crack-fic. It twisted around on me somewhere partway through, and became instead probably the single most mortifyingly awful thing I've ever written. And I write some bad fic, so that's saying something. /o\

**TITLE:** Is This More Than You Bargained For Yet (1/2)  
**WORD COUNT: **10,000-ish  
**RATING:** NC17.  
**SUMMARY: **Spencer and Haley have a request for Brendon. What? It worked for everyone else.  
**A/N:** One of the most humiliating fics I ever posted. 

__   
**Is This More Than You Bargained For Yet (1/2)**   


The fucked-up thing is, it's Ryan who suggests it.

 

Spencer isn't sure what he expected Ryan to actually _say _when he flopped down on the couch and blurted, "I think Haley's going to dump me. It's boring, the sex is boring, and I think she thinks _I'm _boring—maybe I am, I don't know, it didn't _used _to be boring, _something _has to have changed, right? But yeah, I think she's gonna dump me and go find someone more exciting."

 

Whatever he expected, though, it isn't what he actually gets, which is Ryan darting a shifty glance over his shoulder toward the hall that leads to Brendon's room, and then saying, totally seriously, "Have a threesome. Seriously. With Brendon."

 

Spencer laughs at first, because—well. _Funny._ But Ryan just makes these really weird, meaningful eyes at him, and then huffs irritably and drags him back to the guest room they've been sharing.

 

"I'm serious," Ryan says, low-voiced, as soon as the door is closed behind them. They settle squeakily onto Spencer's air mattress, holding themselves a bit awkwardly so as not to create more noise than they have to. "Look, Keltie and I went through this patch, okay, and it was just—I don't know, it was like, maybe we'd just been together long enough that we'd, like, _done _everything already, or maybe—maybe there was just nothing _new _anymore, nothing interesting. So anyway, Keltie starts making noise about a threesome, right, and I'm thinking, _holy shit, one of her dancer friends, _except it turns out _she _wanted a two-_guy _threesome, which... Anyway, we ended up making this deal, right? One for each of us, I find a guy for her one, and then she'll find a girl for mine."

  
Spencer's eyes must look like saucers. This is like being mowed over by a solid wall of brand-new and deeply disturbing information. He doesn't know if he actually wants to hear the rest of this story, but if he stops Ryan now, the morbid curiosity is probably going to kill him, so he settles for just gaping unattractively.

 

"So I'm thinking, dude, where the fuck am I going to find a guy to have a threesome with? And then a few days later Jon made some stupid joke about how sure, Brendon can sing or whatever, but really he pays all our salaries by pretending to make out with me onstage, and I don't know, I just thought—huh. He's kind of right, and if the fangirls get all excited about that, maybe Keltie would, too, right? So I asked him—"

 

"Wait," breaks in Spencer, who has been handed _far _too much background information he really, _really _did not need to know to just let Ryan slide right past the hilarious part like it's unimportant now. "Yeah, no. You're gonna have to describe that conversation pretty much word for word, dude. If you were any kind of a real friend, you would totally have let me watch."

  
Ryan's eyes widen, and Spencer flushes deeply. 

 

"Watch you _ask him, _you fucking _idiot,_" Spencer snaps, bright red.

 

Ryan's alarm fades, and he starts laughing because he is an asshole, but whatever. "Dude, whatever, you know you think it's hot. Anyway, fine—I basically cornered him on the bus while you and Jon were out getting coffees with Zack, and I just kind of said, 'Hey, I have kind of a weird favor to ask you,' and he's Brendon, you know, so he was all, 'Dude, anything for you,' without even asking what he just agreed to, so I said, 'Uh...' and he was like, 'Is everything okay?' and I pretty much just went, 'Keltie wants to have a threesome and I have to ask another guy, and I thought maybe. You know.' It took him a minute to catch on that I meant _him, _like, I was actually _asking _him, and then he kinda stuttered all over himself for awhile and eventually he sort of...talked himself into it, I think."

 

Spencer arches a brow. "Talked himself into it?"

 

Ryan rolls his eyes. "I don't know, at first it was like he was trying to explain to himself why I would even think to ask him for something like that, you know? There was a lot of stuttering about the stage show, and how yeah, we'd practically almost kissed by now anyway, and plus all the groping and thrusting, right, so obviously it would make sense that if I had to ask anybody for that it would be him, and—I don't know. It went on for awhile and then he sort of seemed confused, like he'd somehow managed to talk his way around to this point where it was, like, totally sensible that we should have a threesome and possibly a little bit of gay sex, and he ended up agreeing I think kind of by accident? But whatever, because it was a hotel that night and I totally didn't want to give him time to back down, so I basically went, 'Great,' and woke up Keltie and told her he'd agreed right in front of him and that we were on for that night." Ryan laughs a little, remembering. "She was fucking _giddy _about it, and he still seemed a little weirded out at first, but like. It's _Brendon._ He wasn't going to _disappoint _her."

 

"You're such a dick," Spencer says, with some awe. "Dude. You knew he didn't really want to do it and backed him into a corner so he'd have to anyway? That's cold, even for you."

 

Ryan is unperturbed. "Are you going to let me get to the point of this story, or what?"

 

"I don't know," Spencer says honestly. "I don't actually know if I want to hear the rest of this. I like Brendon. I kind of feel a little bit like I should be punching you right now."

 

"Whatever," Ryan returns, grinning. "He had an awesome time—actually, he had _several _awesome times—which is why you need to let me tell my story my way, and shut up."

 

Spencer glowers, but remains silent, which is totally giving in but whatever, he kind of does want to hear the rest of the story.

 

"Anyway, the point is, it turns out that Brendon is—okay, like. _Really _good at sex. It's kind of weird, actually, I'm not even gay, but I'd totally fuck around with Brendon even without Keltie being around, dude, I'm not kidding. He's just really, really _good _at it. And he kind of doesn't seem to know that he's good at it, which...I don't know, it was kind of refreshing. He's so fucking good at everything, and he can't help knowing it because, like. How could he? But this—I don't know, he's just really good. And—here's the magic part, okay—he has some kind of weird superpower where he manages to make _you _really good at it, and I still don't know how that happened. Not that I'm bad in bed or whatever, just. You know. After awhile, you know somebody well enough that you're not going to be blowing their mind in the bedroom any time soon, except for some reason with Brendon there, Keltie and I were _both _like totally different people, it was awesome. And, like. It _stuck, _you know? The sex never really went flat again. We had another threesome later, like we'd said we would, with some dancer friend of Keltie's but it was, like. _Boring, _dude. Two girls, seriously, and compared to Brendon? It was a total failure. We ended up having _another _one with Brendon again after everything, just because the other one had sucked so much."

 

Spencer feels like his brain is nearing saturation point. "I...have no idea what to say to you right now," he says, which is truthfully the _only _thing he can even think of to say. "I'm—um. Glad you had a good time?"

 

There are pictures in his head. Pictures that should never, ever be in anybody's head. _Ever._

 

Ryan rolls his eyes and sighs. "Yeah, _thanks, _but the point is, you should try it. I'm serious, it _works._"

 

"Gah," says Spencer, whose brain is trying to explode. He'd forgotten, somehow, that that was the point of this conversation. "Look, just because something worked for you and Keltie—"

 

"—and Jon and Cassie," Ryan puts in smugly.

 

"..._What,"_ Spencer manages, jaw working helplessly.

 

Ryan grins wickedly. "Jon and Cassie," he repeats. "They were having a fight about sex in the back lounge on the bus—they thought the bus was empty—and I was in my bunk and I could hear everything, so later I told Jon about the Brendon thing and he didn't say much but a week or so later Brendon was wandering around the bus all glowy and smiling and Jon and Cassie were being weird and kind of..._smoldery _at each other, and Jon admitted that they'd taken my advice and it had totally worked like a charm. I'm betting they've done it again, too. I'd be surprised if they hadn't. It's seriously that good."

 

"You..." Spencer seriously does want to punch Ryan a little bit right now. The force of the urge surprises him, actually. "You cannot just _pimp _out Brendon like this, you dick. He's your _friend._"

 

Ryan looks bewildered. "I'm not _pimping him out._ I've told Jon, and now you, that he's completely awesome and you should talk to him about helping you out. He's single. Getting him laid is not the worst thing I could possibly do for him, and it's not like I'm sending out _fliers._"

 

Spencer squeaks his way off the air mattress with as much dignity as he possibly can, and marches out of the room without looking back at Ryan.

 

Unfortunately, Brendon is in the kitchen when he gets there.

 

Spencer tells himself that he is in no way watching the curve of Brendon's ass as he bends over to dig a spoon out of the dishwasher, and he is definitely not hyper-aware of Brendon's mouth wrapping around that same spoon a few seconds later.

 

__  
Fuck  
  
Ryan and his stupid stories, anyway.

 

—

 

Things with Haley continue to decline steadily, sexually speaking, and it's leaking over into other areas of their relationship, and everything basically sucks. Spencer catches a lot of meaningful looks from Ryan, but he refuses to take part in this sick game where the band apparently passes Brendon around like a communal sex toy, using him to fix up relationship problems all over the place and then turning around and leaving him alone again once they've gotten what they want.

  
It's fucked-up, and he wants no part of it.

 

Unfortunately, Haley and Cassie have become friends of a sort, and Spencer isn't prepared for her to come to _him _with a hesitant smile and a secondhand story pretty similar to Ryan's.

 

"What do you think?" she says tentatively, offering him a sweet hopeful smile.

 

"I think Brendon is my fucking _friend, _and you're all fucking _sick _for trying to use him that way," Spencer snaps, more coldly than he meant to, and Haley looks like he's slapped her straight across the face.

 

As descriptions go, it isn't as far off the mark as it should be.

 

Guilt swamps Spencer, especially when he sees how _careful _Haley's being around him all of a sudden, and the worse things get, the worse he feels, and it's a vicious cycle with no apparent end in sight.

 

Things are pretty tense all over, and Brendon is genuinely bewildered. He honestly has no idea that he's the center of this particular storm, so as far as he's concerned, Ryan and Spencer and Haley have all gone insane, and that's really kind of sad since they're all staying in his house. Brendon's even given up his own bed to Spencer and Haley, sleeping on the stupid air mattress in the guest room with Ryan so that Spencer and Haley can have some privacy.

  
Spencer doesn't know how to tell him he might as well not bother. They're not getting any actual _use _out of it.

 

He caves on Day 6 of the cold war. It's only Day 12 of Haley's visit, which is scheduled to last a full month, and Spencer can't do it anymore. He hates himself for the fact that there is apparently a price for which he is willing to throw Brendon under the bus, himself, and that price is as low as eighteen more days of uncomfortable silence. He's such a fucking shit that it makes him sick to think of it.

 

He resolutely does not factor in his own increasingly-frantic thoughts about Brendon's hands and mouth and eyes and smile and ass and—

 

Whatever. That part isn't important, anyway.

 

"Brendon," he says quietly, when they are sitting companionably together out on the balcony off of Brendon's bedroom. It's nice out here. Spencer can see the ocean in the distance.

 

Brendon smiles at him, guileless, and Spencer hates himself all over again.

 

"I...I don't know how to ask you for this," he says uncomfortably. "I—Haley and I, we were—" He breaks off, and maybe he can't go through with this after all. He does not know how to say, _we'd like you to have sex with us, _or worse, _Ryan says you're a really good fuck, so..._ Maybe he can't do this.

 

Brendon, though, gets it, and laughs a little. It's an embarrassed little sound, awkward and sheepish. "I guess I'm getting kind of a slutty reputation, huh?" he says, ruefully.

 

"No!" Spencer flushes, biting his lip. God, he's a dick. "I—that's not—I mean, Ryan said, but...I shouldn't have said anything. I shouldn't—um. Forget I asked, forget I—please. Just forget it, okay?"

 

"Spence." Brendon smiles crookedly. "I'll forget it if you want me to forget it. Or...or I'll do—whatever, I mean. If you _don't _want me to forget it, then. Then I'm in, okay? It's fine." He rolls his eyes, laughs again. "Christ, listen to me. It's _fine, _like it's some huge favor I don't mind doing for a friend, instead of like a chance to have sex with a complete hottie and his gorgeous girlfriend. Whatever."

 

Spencer blushes hotly, because wow, okay, Brendon is flirting a little and Spencer fucking _likes _it. He slants a glance at Brendon from under his lashes, and there's a look on Brendon's face that is half-eager and half...like. Wistful? Spencer can't quite read it.

 

And there's no more time to try, because Brendon bounds to his feet and brushes his hand lightly over Spencer's hair as he heads back inside.  "Just let me know what you decide," he says, like it's that simple, and then he disappears.

 

—

 

Spencer waits a full twenty-four hours before telling Haley he's spoken to Brendon, and if he's honest, when he does tell her it has less to do with mending fences than it does with the way it feels when he catches Brendon stealing glances at him, and the way the words, _a chance to have sex with a complete hottie _keep replaying in his head.

 

Haley seems cautiously enthusiastic when he does tell her, which he gets—he'd thrown a pretty damn big temper tantrum for someone who was just going to turn around and give in a week later, and that whole moral-high-road thing he had happening is clearly gone now, so it's understandable that Haley might be a little confused.

  
Still, she seems happy, and Spencer makes significant eyes at Brendon over pizza that night, and Brendon ducks his head and smiles a little, and Ryan's gaze goes sharp and knowing and amused.

 

There's no reason to hide it, under the circumstances, so Spencer and Haley just sort of casually collect Brendon on their way to the bedroom. He comes along easily, throwing an ambiguous "Later," at Ryan as they pass.

 

In the bedroom, they all stand and stare at each other a little awkwardly for a moment. It's Brendon who finally breaks the silence.

 

"How do you guys want to do this?" he asks softly, and he makes it sound perfectly reasonable and not at all weird or creepy, or any of the things that Spencer is kind of feeling like right now.

 

Haley licks her lips, and looks back and forth between the two of them with big eyes. "I...kind of want to watch. At least at first," she adds hastily. "If, um. If that's okay?"

 

Brendon turns to look at Spencer, and the look in his eyes almost steals Spencer's breath away entirely. "It's okay with me," he says, and his voice is kind of lower than Spencer's used to hearing it, level but a little hoarse. Like he's trying not to be obvious, even though his expression is totally giving the game away.

  
Spencer swallows, blushing and feeling totally out of his depth, and so turned on he doesn't know which way is up anymore. "It's, uh. Okay with me, too," he manages, his voice way rougher than Brendon's had been.

  
There's no time to be embarrassed, though, because the second his consent is out of his mouth, Brendon is on him, pushing him back against the door of the bedroom and pushing up onto his tiptoes so that he can take Spencer's mouth in a kiss like nothing Spencer's ever felt before in his life.

 

Brendon's mouth is hot and insistent, but so fucking slow and sweet that Spencer can't wrap his head around it—Brendon kisses like it's the _only _thing on his mind, like it's enough just to lick his way deep into Spencer's mouth and learn it with his tongue; like it's enough just to fit his lips against the shape of Spencer's, all open mouths and curling tongues and heavy, panting breaths; like it's enough just to tug on Spencer's lower lip with his teeth, to suck Spencer's tongue into his own mouth and moan around the feel of it, to tangle his fingers in the back of Spencer's hair and just _kiss _him like he'll never, ever stop.

 

Spencer is dizzy and breathless and sliding weakly down the wall long before a helpless sound from Haley causes Brendon to drag himself reluctantly away.

 

"Fuck," Haley whispers weakly, when they turn to look at her. Her face is flushed pink, her eyes a little glassy. "Don't—don't stop, wow, just—fuck—"

 

Spencer smiles shakily at her, and then Brendon has his face buried against Spencer's throat, and Spencer's head tips back in spite of himself, baring his neck to Brendon's mouth, and Jesus fucking Christ, he is maybe not going to make it through this experience alive.

 

And it's—it's _sex, _not a movie scene, so time doesn't drift around in a series of artful, soft-focus camera angles, and clothes don't magically melt away, and things get silly and awkward way more than once between that first hot kiss and the moment when they actually fall naked onto the bed under Haley's gaze, but somehow it doesn't feel weird at all. Brendon is...he's intense, but playful, and so fucking _Brendon _that Spencer can't believe it, and he makes it all so _fun, _even the stupid parts. Even the parts where Spencer's jeans get stuck around one ankle and he tries to hop around and yank them off but ends up tipping over and landing ass-first on the carpet. Even the parts where Brendon decides to start taking his t-shirt off at the same exact moment Spencer decides to lean in and lick a stripe up his neck, and Spencer ends up with a forehead full of Brendon's armpit and an elbow very nearly in his eye. It's all okay, that stuff, it's all okay and not embarrassing at all, really—it's funny and sort of weirdly sexy and just _fun, _and Spencer _totally gets _what Ryan meant about the superpower thing, now.

  
He doesn't like thinking about that, though—about Ryan and Brendon like this, like he is with Brendon right this very second, all tangled up and rubbing together and half-giggling because Haley almost just kicked Brendon in the face, and also probably still a little bit because of that one sort-of-barnyard noise that Spencer made a little bit ago—so he just doesn't, he turns that thought process off and focuses all of his attention on Brendon.

 

It's a very easy thing to do.

 

Brendon clearly believes in taking his fucking sweet time about sex, and right now he seems intent on learning every inch of Spencer's entire body with his _mouth, _which is not really what Spencer had expected this to be like—it's better, it's so fucking much better—and Spencer is going half-insane just from the anticipation of it all.

 

"Brendon," he manages, when Brendon has spent what seems like six or seven centuries tonguing the pale insides of Spencer's thighs. "Fuck, _please—"_

 

Brendon turns his head without warning, sweeping his tongue over Spencer's balls and closing his mouth around them, sucking gently on one, then the other.

 

Spencer's back arches up from the bed, and he half-whimpers, half-grunts in shock.

  
Brendon hums around his mouthful, and Spencer's eyes roll back in his head.

 

"_Oh,_" Haley whispers faintly. 

 

Spencer can't look at her. He can barely remember how to breathe. Brendon's tongue is worming its way _lower, _now, working rhythmically against Spencer's perineum for awhile until he squirms, and then dipping even lower than _that, _to slide boldly across his entrance.

 

Spencer shouts out loud in shock. Brendon groans roughly against him, and does it again.

 

"Bren, Brendon, oh my god, fuck, _Brendon,_" Spencer babbles, his fingers twisting in the blankets as his hips twitch upward in spite of himself. "Fuck, fuck, I need—please, I need—"

 

Brendon pulls away and sits up, and Spencer wants to groan at the loss but he can't, because Brendon is staring at him so hotly, all blown pupils and swollen lips, and Spencer feels like kind of a slut all splayed out and spread open and naked under that gaze, but it feels _good, _and Spencer had never known any of this about himself, seriously, and _oh, fuck, _Brendon is reaching for the lube.

 

Spencer thinks he knows what's coming next, he really does, and he's so fucking okay with it—and he's so fucking_ surprised _that he's okay with it, that he _wants it, _this is way more than he bargained for but he doesn't even _care_—that it takes him much longer than it should to realize that Brendon isn't reaching for Spencer at all.

 

He's preparing _himself, _reaching back and opening himself with his own fingers, readying him for Spencer's cock, and _holy fucking shit, _Spencer has to grab the base of his own cock in a punishingly tight grip to keep from coming right there, just like that.

 

Spencer sort of whites out for a few minutes after that. A condom materializes from somewhere, he knows that much, and he thinks he sort of remembers Haley maybe helping Brendon to open the wrapper when Brendon's fingers proved too slippery from lube, but mostly all he can focus on is getting himself far enough under control that he won't come the second Brendon gets anywhere near him.

 

He manages to rejoin reality just in time, as Brendon straddles Spencer's hips and starts to lower himself down. His eyes are locked on Spencer's face, so intense it almost hurts to look at, and _ohfucksofuckingtight, _Spencer's hips buck up in spite of himself, thrusting him into Brendon a little faster than he'd really intended.

  
Brendon does not seem to mind, if his strangled moan is any indication, and then he just sort of...drops forward, opening his mouth over Spencer's and holding himself _so still, _and he's impaled on Spencer's cock but he's not moving except for where he's taking Spencer's mouth in another of those mind-shattering kisses, and Spencer's body catches on before his brain does, picking up a rhythm with his hips as he pushes upward into the tight heat of Brendon's body.

 

"Spence," Brendon mumbles into his mouth, and his voice is soft, almost reverent, and _God, _the way he fucking _kisses_—

 

Spencer comes apart.

  
Brendon just _watches _him, the whole time, his mouth open and panting, his eyes hot and a little wild, and Spencer doesn't think he's ever seen anything so fucking gorgeous in his life, and then Brendon thrusts his cock against Spencer's stomach, just once, and it's enough to tip him over the edge. His moan is a low, ragged thing, shaky and half-muffled by the way his entire body drops limply down on top of Spencer as he shudders his way through it, his face buried against the curve of Spencer's neck.

 

"Fuck," whispers Spencer, faint and awed, when it's over.

 

"Fuck," Brendon agrees weakly against Spencer's throat.

 

"Fuck," Haley says, stricken, and Spencer looks over at her for the first time in a long time.

 

"Haley?"

 

Haley's eyes are filled with tears. "That was...amazing," she says, and there's something wrong with that, something about it doesn't fit quite right, but Brendon is pulling himself gently free of Spencer's cock, and Haley is smiling and seems to have had a good time, herself, if the flush on her cheeks and the sated slump of her body are any indication, and Spencer is just...so fucking tired.

 

He can't think anymore tonight.

 

Brendon somehow manages to gracefully dress himself in pyjama pants and take his leave—from his own bedroom—without seeming like he is doing any of those things. Somewhere in there, he must even dispose of the condom for Spencer, because when Spencer reaches belatedly downward to figure out where it went, it's long gone and Spencer is impressed in spite of himself. Brendon really _does _have some kind of sexual superpower.

 

Haley doesn't seem to feel like cuddling tonight, which is weird and raises a little red flag in Spencer's mind somewhere, but he isn't quite coherent enough yet to form complex sentences, much less wrap his head around a deep question-and-answer session, so he just strokes his fingers down her arm and lets his eyes drift closed.   They'll talk tomorrow.


	2. Is This More Than You Bargained For Yet (2/2)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Spencer and Haley have a request for Brendon. What? It worked for everyone else.

**TITLE:** Is This More Than You Bargained For Yet (2/2)  
**WORD COUNT: **10,000-ish  
**RATING:** NC17.  
**SUMMARY: **Spencer and Haley have a request for Brendon. What? It worked for everyone else.  
**A/N:** One of the most humiliating fics I ever posted. 

  


__   
**Is This More Than You Bargained For Yet (2/2)**   


Spencer is the last one to wake up the next morning, shuffling his way down the hall and into the kitchen, following the sound of voices.

 

A brief silence falls over the table when he walks in, which is confusing until he notices the way Ryan's eyes have gone wide and Brendon is ducking his head to hide the slow blush washing across his cheeks, and Haley's biting her lip and staring pretty openly at Spencer's bare chest and throat.

 

Spencer glances down, and sure enough, his entire chest and belly are pretty much covered in...well, _hickeys, _basically. His neck is probably even worse, and it's a good thing nobody can see his inner thighs right now. Spencer can feel himself blushing, too, but it's too late to get shy about it now, so he just sits down next to Haley at the table, and steals a bite from Brendon's bowl of cereal.

 

"Morning," he says after a moment, when nobody else has said anything. "Was it something I said?"

 

Brendon is the first one to start snickering, and then Haley giggles weakly in spite of herself and even Ryan ends up laughing a little, although he keeps making big eyes at Spencer that should probably be meaningful in some way, but aren't.

 

Brendon has some Shane-related thing that he has to go do today, so he ends up conceding the rest of his cereal bowl to Spencer after only a few bites of companionable sharing. Haley also takes her leave, because she has some appointment with a spa place Keltie and Cassie went in on together as a present for her for her last birthday. This month is the first time she's had the opportunity to use it, but she's been looking forward to it for a long time, so Spencer doesn't try to delay her leaving for the talk he knows they still need to have.

 

Unfortunately, this leaves him alone in the house with Ryan, who is clearly hell-bent on having a conversation of his own.

 

"Are those from _Brendon?_" is the first thing out of Ryan's mouth, the instant the door closes behind Haley. He gestures at Spencer's chest, like there was any real doubt what he was talking about.

 

Spencer's face burns. "Wow, we are not going to be discussing _that,_" he says, incredulous. "Jesus, Ryan."

 

Ryan gives him a weird look. "Okay, so that's a yes," he says slowly, and then pauses, his expression complicated. "Did it work?" is what he finally comes out with, and Spencer gets the idea it isn't what he really wants to say, but Spencer doesn't think he wants to _know _what Ryan really wanted to say, so he doesn't push it.

 

"I don't know," he says, instead, a little snappishly. "It just happened last night, it's not like there's been an extensive testing period since then. It was good, that's all, and it's not Brendon's job to _fix _me and Haley, so. It was just...good, and that's all it was supposed to be."

 

This is, in many ways, a big pack of lies. It was so much better than _good _that Spencer doesn't even know if he could find the words to explain it if he cared to try, which he most emphatically _doesn't_—at least, not to _Ryan—_and on top of that, Spencer is almost one hundred percent certain that the answer to the "did it work" question is going to end up being a resounding _no._ In fact, he has a sinking feeling it may end up making things actually _worse, _although he won't know that for sure until he gets a chance to talk to Haley.  

 

Still, none of that is anything he wants to get into, and even though a small part of him _does _want to babble something ridiculous like, _ohmygod, I totally know what you mean now about that superpower thing, and by the way, can you even believe how amazing he is in bed???,_ that part is very, very small, and it is way overshadowed by the part of him that suspects that hearing Ryan say, _oh my god, I know, right? and what about that thing he does with his tongue? _would somehow end with Spencer feeling weird and snarly and kind of hating his best friend.

 

Everything is such a fucking mess now. The worst part is, with the memory of Brendon's dark eyes and addictive kisses still so fresh on his skin, he can't even bring himself to regret it.

 

He escapes to the shower as a means of ending the conversation, and then spends the rest of the day rebuffing all of Ryan's attempts to bring it back up.

  
Brendon gets back before Haley does, and he talks and laughs comfortably with Ryan and Spencer both, no awkwardness or indication that anything has changed, but his eyes follow Spencer around in a way that makes Spencer feel very much in his skin—weirdly aware of every part of his body, and breathless with something that feels like anticipation, but isn't. It isn't, because last night was a one-time thing and it's over now, and there isn't anything left to anticipate.

 

Except.

 

Haley comes in, and she says, "Can we do it again tonight?" right in the living room in front of everybody, and the whole room falls silent for one of those moments that last about a thousand years inside your head.

 

Spencer is desperately trying to figure out what he's supposed to say to that when Brendon answers for him by standing up and pressing a sweet kiss to Haley's forehead.

 

"As flattered as I am," he says, and leers playfully at her in a way that makes this entire nightmare seem somehow like he isn't busy rejecting them at all, "I think Spence probably wants a chance to keep you all to himself tonight, as well he should. And _you, _if you have any sense, will ravish him to within an inch of his life, madam, because he doesn't get to see you very often and I was totally rude for monopolizing him last night."

 

He grins so disarmingly at Haley that it's sort of blinding, and Spencer nearly misses the way Ryan's eyebrows climb almost into his hairline, but he doesn't have time to pay attention to that anyway, because Brendon is doing that thing again where he somehow manages to extricate himself from a wildly uncomfortable situation without seeming like he's actually escaping, and Spencer really, really needs to learn how to do that thing.

 

Haley doesn't quite end up letting him get away with it after all. Brendon makes it into his bedroom, where he apparently collects some clothes to sleep in and stuff, but just as he's getting ready to go into the guest room and probably disappear for the entire night—even though it's only like seven o'clock, Spencer knows he won't come out again until morning—Haley apparently clues in to this plan as well, and derails it by calling out to him down the hall.

  
"Brendon, wait!"

 

Brendon pauses, startled, and glances up from the doorknob. "Yeah?"

 

"Come here," Haley orders, biting her lip. "We—at least need to talk, okay?"

 

For the first time since this all started, Brendon looks really, truly awkward. He shoots a sort of helpless glance at Spencer, who would like to help him out, he really would. Unfortunately, he has no idea _what's _going on in Haley's head, so he's just as confused as Brendon at this point.

 

From the corner of his eye, Spencer notices Ryan edging back into a corner of the room and sinking quietly into a chair, and he snorts internally. Any polite person would leave the fucking room, but Ryan is a nosy little bitch, and apparently completely shameless about it. Spencer should probably kick him out, even if only for the sake of form, but Ryan would just find some other way to eavesdrop, and Spencer quite frankly can't bring himself to care right now. He's too worried about what Haley's got planned.

 

"What's up?" Brendon asks, half-casual and half-uneasy, once he's all the way inside the room again. He's still standing on the other side of the couch, like a physical barrier between him and them, and Spencer doesn't think it's an accident.

 

Now that she's started this, Haley's bravado seems to be failing her. It takes her two false starts before she manages to get through, "Last night...it was good. Right? Didn't...didn't you think it was good?"

  
Brendon's eyes flick to Spencer and then away again immediately, like he couldn't quite help it. "Of—yeah, I mean, of course. It was...sure, yeah. Good."

 

Haley nods. "Spencer?" she prompts, and Spencer snaps his attention back to her face, alarmed. "It was good for you, too, right?"

 

Spencer's mouth opens and closes a couple of times. "Um...I—uh, obviously, yeah. Yes. It was...yes."

 

"Good." Haley looks lost for a second, and then squares her shoulders. "Right. So. I think—I really think we should do it again. Tonight. And...and maybe more nights. The three of us. Like last night. Because—we've already done it once, and it was amazing, and we all...we all care about each other, and...and it's stupid to kick Brendon out of his own bed when he could be in it _with _us."

 

She says that last one so reasonably that Spencer almost laughs in spite of the really _epic _not-funniness of this situation. Brendon seems to agree, if the slightly-strangled way that he says, "Uh. Haley...honestly, okay, the guest room is fine—and, like. Having a threesome seems like kind of a drastic answer to an air mattress, seriously, I don't even _mind _air mattresses—" is any indication.

 

"Don't be an idiot," Haley says, scowling. "You know what I mean. I mean, I want this, and if what I saw last night was any indication, you and Spencer _definitely _want this, and there is no good reason why we shouldn't all have it, as many times as we want to."

 

Spencer is _positive _he should be saying something right now, but his mind is a total blank. He can't do anything more than stare back and forth between Brendon and Haley in something close to shock, waiting to see what decision gets reached without him.

 

"Hey, whoa," Brendon says gently, hands up in a placating gesture. "Haley, listen, okay—I'm not...I'm not out to take Spencer from you, all right? He's—I totally respect your relationship, and I would never, ever get in the way of that, and I know...I know that last night might have looked—I...I'm sorry for that, I never meant to make you think—but. I wouldn't—"

 

Spencer can't help flushing to the roots of his hair. _Again._ Jesus fucking Christ.

 

Haley crosses her arms, a stubborn tilt lifting her chin. "Don't fucking patronize me, Brendon, I was _watching, _okay?" she snaps, and Brendon actually takes a half-step back, shocked. " Well. It was hot as fuck, and everything else aside, I want to see it again. So come to bed with us."

 

Brendon finally turns and looks directly at Spencer for help. Spencer opens his mouth to tell Haley to leave it alone, he really does, but Brendon is blushing a little and biting his lip and somehow what Spencer ends up saying is,

 

"Come to bed with us."

 

He can hear Ryan suck in a slow breath in the corner, and there's a fleeting moment of embarrassment—he'd forgotten about Ryan over there, and this conversation is _really _not one he would have chosen to have in front of his best friend, fuck—but then Brendon's eyes widen and go a little bit darker, and his voice sounds faint and a little helpless when he says,

 

"Okay. Okay."

 

And it's a mistake, Spencer knows it's a mistake—he's not _stupid, _he can see his relationship with Haley falling apart right in front of his face, and he _does _love her, and there is going to come a point when it's going to hurt like fuck to watch her leave, and he _knows _all of these things but in this moment, he can't see anything more than Brendon's face, and he's around the couch and kissing him before he even registers that he's moving.

 

"Fuck," Brendon murmurs into his mouth, and then Spencer is walking him backward into the nearest wall, and Brendon just goes with it, twisting his hands into Spencer's hair and moaning thickly in his throat, and Spencer pins him to the wall with hands and mouth and hips, and _fuck, _he could kiss Brendon _forever, _seriously—

 

—and then Ryan clears his throat discreetly from the corner, and Spencer rips himself away from Brendon's mouth, mortification sweeping over him in a crushing wave.

 

"Um," Ryan says unsteadily, and Spencer risks a glance, only to end up even _more _flustered at the realization that Ryan's face is a little too flushed, his breathing a little too heavy. "I'm going to go and stay at Pete's tonight, I think. I'll...call in the morning before I come back."

 

He edges past them all, not even bothering to go pack clothes, and the door sounds very loud in the silence when he closes it behind him.

 

Brendon's face is buried in his hands, but Haley says, "Keep going," in this hoarse voice, and he lifts his face to look up at her and Spencer...he can't help it. It's the wrong thing to do, this is _all _the wrong thing to do, he should never have listened to Ryan about any of this to begin with, but—

 

He kisses Brendon again. And again, and again, until they're staggering down the hall and shedding clothes along the way. And again, while they're falling on the bed and Haley is watching and sometimes whispering and Brendon's eyes are soft and unfocused and a little bit dazed as he gazes up at Spencer. He kisses him and kisses him, and then Brendon shoves him over onto his back and Spencer holds Haley's hand while Brendon bites at his hips and sucks his brain out through his cock, and she sort of smiles down at him with this expression he can't read and it kind of feels a little bit like goodbye.

 

And then Brendon rolls over onto his stomach, propping his hips up on a pillow, and he's preparing himself again but this time Spencer can _see _it, and Spencer sort of wanted to try this the other way around tonight but that will have to wait, because there is no way he can refuse an invitation like this one.

 

He makes Brendon turn over on his back before he fucks him, because he wants to see his face and he can't kiss him the other way, and it turns out that Spencer is a total girl for Brendon's kisses and kind of really just wants to make out all night.

 

They fuck in what feels like slow motion this time, Spencer's hips rolling smoothly in time with the long, sweet, lazy kisses Brendon keeps drowning him in. He learns the right angle at which to cant his hips to make Brendon twitch and moan beneath him, and gets dizzy from the resulting visual—Brendon sprawled out, wrecked and incoherent, head thrown back and mouth swollen, all for Spencer, all his—and it seems like it lasts forever before Brendon is coming, cock still untouched between them, and Spencer is tipping over the edge just a second behind him.

 

They kiss—one last slow, sloppy kiss—before crawling up the bed to tangle themselves around a suddenly-quiet Haley. She curls against Spencer's chest and clutches Brendon's hand when he tries to get up and leave like the night before, and doesn't say anything to either of them. Eventually, they all fall asleep.

 

Brendon is gone when Spencer and Haley wake up.

 

—

 

Haley decides she has some shopping to do, so she leaves without even bothering with breakfast. Spencer and Brendon eat theirs in the living room by unspoken mutual consent, turning on the TV as a way of avoiding all the things they suddenly have to avoid right now.

 

Ryan comes home, drags Spencer unceremoniously into the guest bedroom, and announces without warning, "Brendon is in love with you."

 

"What?" Spencer says blankly.

 

Ryan scrubs a hand over his face. "He's in love with you. I didn't know that, or I never would have suggested—look. When—with me and Keltie—he didn't...I mean, he and _I _didn't. Uh. We...the first time, okay, we just made out a little and then. Um. Sort of worked together on Keltie? Then after that, she went down on him and I had sex with her, and it wasn't—_Brendon and I_ didn't actually do anything. With each other. Except kiss, and we kept cracking up during that part anyway."

 

"I don't really want to know any of this," Spencer says, a little sickly, but Ryan ignores him.

 

"The second time, that time Keltie said she wanted to watch, okay, and we ended up—" Ryan makes the universal hand-job gesture, and Spencer flinches—"but, like. I would have gone further than that, 'cause like I said, he's good in bed and fun and stuff? Plus, great hands. But _he _was the one who—he said something about good friendships needing to keep some mystery alive, and kept pointing out that Keltie was the guest of honor or whatever and we should be paying attention to her, which, like. I wasn't exactly arguing, because it was all just really good. But the point is, whatever this thing is with you, it's different, and the way you guys were kissing last night—he never did _anything _like that with me, wouldn't even let me get close to that before he was making a joke and laughing it off, and I just thought you should know this, because he is totally in love with you and you have a fucking girlfriend, and maybe you should stop dicking him around, okay? I mean. I get that I was the one who told you to do this, because I _didn't know, _and you didn't know either but now you do, and...I just thought I should tell you."

 

Spencer drops his face into his hands. His brain is a blank slate, and he just kind of wants to crawl back into bed and start this whole day over.

 

And it only gets worse when Haley gets back from her shopping trip, and she's quiet and a little withdrawn, spending a lot of time on her phone in Brendon's bedroom while the rest of them sit on the living room couch and try to pretend they don't notice.

 

Spencer has no idea what to do. The thing is, no matter what he chooses, the damage has already been done—somebody is going to end up getting hurt. Haley loves him, and he loves her back, he really does. If he lets her leave—and she _is _going to leave—she'll be heartbroken, and _he'll _be heartbroken, because she's _Haley, _and this was supposed to be the forever one, the forever thing. He's never even considered any other outcome, that's how sure he's always been of this. Of Haley.

 

But Brendon...Brendon is _Brendon, _and if Ryan is right—(Spencer isn't kidding himself, Ryan is right. Ryan is right and Spencer had kind of known it already, had known it a little from that first kiss)—that means Brendon loves Spencer, too, and _God, _Spencer can't sit here and pretend he doesn't feel anything about that. Fuck, his feelings for Brendon are so complex he doesn't even begin to know how to sort them all out into separate thoughts; everything is so caught up together, irrevocably, in his mind. Brendon represents the band, and Spencer _loves _the band—he loves Haley, but the band is his _life—_and Brendon is Spencer's second-best friend in all the world, and Spencer loves him that way, has loved him that way since he was sixteen years old, and that's real, that's love, too. And Brendon is..._Brendon, _and that means a hundred other things Spencer doesn't even have names for, really. Things like Skittle-missile duels at dawn for Jon Walker's honor, and impromptu venue games of Capture the Flag, wherein the part of the Flag is played by an extremely disgruntled and unwilling Ryan Ross, and the invention of Ballroom Disco dancing, which is why Spencer now knows a combination of hustle and foxtrot that once made Ryan laugh so hard he almost threw up. Things like sleepy late-night Disney marathons in the back lounge, because Brendon got a phone call from his mother/sister/brother/father and needs cinematic comfort food and a cuddle before he can sleep. Things like Snickers bars and new CDs being left on Spencer's pillow whenever he has a bad day, or new pairs of limited-edition Nikes periodically finding their way into his collection with little notes that say things like, _Happy Tuesday!_

 

And, as of now, things like endless lazy kisses, and long slow fucks, and butterflies and fireworks in Spencer's stomach, and fuck, how is he supposed to put a _value _on all of that?

 

The worst part is, Brendon won't leave, won't disappear or even withdraw. He'll let Spencer hurt him, and he'll go right on being Brendon, because he's known all along that it was going to come to that, and he's ready to face it without blame. That, _that's _the worst part, because the idea of hurting Brendon feels like gravel on Spencer's tongue, a sick twist of shame and guilt in his stomach, but more than that, it _hurts._ It hurts and it makes Spencer need to _fix it, _even though it hasn't even happened yet, need to see Brendon smile because he's happy and he means it, not because he's trying to make everything be normal.

 

Spencer chews on his lower lip, and doesn't look at anybody. Brendon's house is by no means small, and there are only four of them staying in it right now, but Spencer feels suddenly stifled and crowded, and he wishes he knew what to do.

 

Brendon, as it turns out, is craftier than Spencer's been giving him credit for; he leaves in mid-afternoon to meet up with Shane, and then just totally fails to return. He sends a text to Ryan and Spencer late in the evening. 

 

__  
going to be out late staying with shane and regan when we get back in. see you tomorrow. :)  


 

Spencer has one weird moment where he stares at the words "_shane and regan" _and wonders if Brendon the Threesome King has ever had one with them, and then a snide little voice in his head says, _he's staying with them tonight, _and Spencer has to swallow a sick feeling in his throat and sharply push that thought away, because he is being _stupid._ Brendon isn't off fucking every single couple he knows, and even if he is, that is totally his business, because he doesn't belong to Spencer, because Spencer has a _girlfriend, _and Jesus fucking _Christ, _how did this all get so fucked up?

 

Haley seems upset by Brendon's evasive maneuver, more upset than is really reasonable under the circumstances. Spencer eyes her with quiet caution and watches Ryan do the same, everyone tiptoeing gracelessly around the giant elephant in the room, to no avail.

  
Eventually, Spencer has no choice but to go to bed, and it's kind of ridiculous, because Haley has clearly been staying awake just for the express purpose of trying to wait him out, and Ryan started yawning at one in the morning but stayed up, too, out of loyalty to Spencer and to keep him from ending up alone with Haley right now, so now there's this completely stupid moment where it's four in the morning and nobody _wants _to be awake, but they all totally are, just because Spencer is afraid of his girlfriend.

 

He shuffles off to bed with an apologetic look at Ryan, and Haley justifies Spencer's every fear by barely even waiting for the bedroom door to close behind them before saying, "Do you think he really did want to stay with Shane, or did he...was it us?"

 

Spencer closes his eyes, rubbing tiredly at his forehead. "Of _course _it's us," he says, as calmly and gently as he possibly can. There's no actual reason to snap at Haley, even if he wants to. "At this point, we've effectively run him out of his own home, which I think is a pretty good clue that we should seriously just leave him alone about the whole thing, okay?"

 

Haley bites her lip. "You're in love with him."

 

And just like that, the bottom of Spencer's stomach falls away. He isn't ready for this conversation, he isn't, and he sinks down onto the edge of the bed and buries his face in his hands.

  
After a moment, he feels Haley sit down next to him. "That's pretty much a yes, right?" she says faintly, and suddenly she seems so _young._ Spencer _feels _so young—young and lost and completely out of his depth.

 

"Haley," he whispers. And he can't lie to her, he can't, even if he doesn't know exactly what that means right now, so he finds himself just saying, "I didn't know. You have to believe me about that, I swear to you I didn't know when all this started."

 

He looks at her, finally, because he owes her that much, and she's teary-eyed and trying for a brave smile, and fuck, Spencer really does love this girl. He _does._

 

"I know," she says, and it takes a second to figure out she's not responding to his actual thoughts. "I know you didn't, Spencer, that was obvious from the minute it all started, okay? I get it." She hesitates, and then says in a moment of total honesty, "It doesn't really help me much, though, does it? Knowing that?"

 

Spencer runs a shaky hand through his hair. This is the moment, the moment where he's supposed to say, _But I'm in love with you, too, Haley, _and it's true, it's true and it's—maybe it's not the way to _fix _this, but it _is _what she wants to hear, because if he says that he's making a choice, choosing her, and he opens his mouth and he just.

 

He can't say it.

 

And that's choosing, too, and it hurts more than Spencer expected it to but it's...it's the _right _choice, and he really didn't know that until this very minute but it _is. _It's what he wants, or at least, what he's going to want when this moment is over and he can breathe again, and when he looks up at Haley again he must look as wretched as he feels because she nods her head a couple of times and finally just starts to cry.

 

They end up crying themselves to sleep, all curled up together on top of the blankets, and it's the closest they've been, physically, since this whole thing started, and Spencer hadn't even really _noticed _that somehow. He's noticing it now.

 

Haley packs her bag first thing in the morning, while Spencer sits cross-legged on the bed, pale and silent, and watches her leave him.

 

She kisses his forehead before she walks away, and he hears her hugging an awkward Ryan goodbye out in the living room, and then there's the sound of the front door closing and Ryan peeks around the doorway at Spencer with his lower lip trapped anxiously between his teeth.

 

He doesn't try to talk, Spencer is grateful for that much. He just comes in and climbs right up onto the bed beside him, wrapping spindly spaghetti arms around Spencer and holding on tight. Spencer breathes in and out, and misses Haley, and doesn't regret his choice.

 

Brendon doesn't come home and doesn't come home, and when Spencer and Ryan get another late-evening text message, it isn't even really a surprise this time.

 

__  
staying over again to help shane with some pics.   c u tomorrow! :)  


 

Spencer feels sick and guilty, but doesn't text or call to tell Brendon about Haley, because as selfish as it is to let Brendon just keep staying away from his own house, he can't help feeling like it's probably a good thing that he have at least twenty-four hours to deal with this before he has to face Brendon. 

 

So he just texts back, _c u tomorrow :) _and lets himself be grateful when Ryan eyes him carefully and does the same.

 

They're both just sprawled out on the couch, not really watching whatever's on TV but studiously pretending to, when Ryan finally says it.

 

"So. You and Brendon. Really? I mean, I knew _he—_at least, after I saw—but. Like. I never really got that from you before. Like, before the...uh. Sex thing. And—he's. It's really good, I get that, even though it was obviously _way _better for you than it ever was for me, but. For you to—for you and Haley to be _over...."_

 

Spencer's been expecting this conversation, and it's a totally fair question, but he still prickles defensively.

 

"It's not just about the sex," he almost snaps. "It would. God. It would be _easier _if that was all it was, because then I wouldn't have to—look. It's. It's _Brendon, _okay? And I just. It's Brendon, and there's this whole—side of things that I never really imagined that would mean, but. Or. It's more like I didn't _want _to imagine it, because it's not like I never looked or wondered or whatever, but there was Haley and it was just these passing moments, and it was really easy to let go of them before I _knew, _but it's not...it's not _all _there is. It's—I want all of it. And I didn't really know that was what I wanted and I _really_ didn't know I could actually _have _it, but it is, and I can, or at least I think I can. So."

 

"Okay," Ryan says quietly, and that's it. He doesn't say a word about the risk, or the band, or even about Brendon's feelings and how Spencer better not break his heart or Ryan will beat him to death with a club or something, even though Spencer sort of accepts that part as true whether Ryan says it outright or not. They're all kind of protective when it comes to Brendon, and frankly, if Spencer fucks this up Ryan's wrath will be _nothing _compared to the blinding rage of Jon Walker, who thinks of Brendon like a long-lost little brother. Jon doesn't get really pissed about much, but fucking with Brendon is one guaranteed way to make it happen.

 

Spencer has no plans of fucking it up. But then, he didn't plan to fuck up with Haley, either, and look where that got him.

 

Neither he nor Ryan seem to have anything else to say, so in the end they just get up and go to bed. Ryan goes into the guest room and turns to look at Spencer, but Spencer just quietly goes into Brendon's bedroom and closes the door. It feels like he's making a statement or a claim or something, and maybe he is, but mostly he just wants to sleep in Brendon's bed.

 

He sleeps late, and wakes up to the sight of Brendon standing in the doorway, staring at the empty space next to Spencer with a stricken expression and a pale face.

  
"She left," Spencer says unnecessarily, his voice thick and rough with sleep. It still hurts, but the pain is already less sharp with Brendon here, and that probably says something but he feels too groggy to do any deep thinking right now.

 

"God," Brendon says faintly. "Fuck. Spencer, Jesus, I am _so sorry—"_

 

He looks wretched, and Spencer struggles into a sitting position. "No, no. It was me, Brendon, I—she left because of me. Because of—"

 

He hesitates, because they've all been making a _lot _of assumptions about Brendon's feelings, here, and if he just goes blurting things out willy-nilly and it turns out they're all _wrong, _this is about to get really, really awkward.

 

Spencer really hopes they aren't wrong.

 

"Things were already bad," he says, feeling his way through this as he goes. He's not awake enough yet for his brain-to-mouth filter to be operating at a hundred percent, so this is probably not a good idea, but it's too late. The moment is already here. "Before—before anything, I mean, things were. Not good. And I knew that, and I think maybe I thought...with you, that we could fix it, but it just—brought up all these new problems we didn't even know we had, because it turns out—"

 

He swallows thickly, and makes himself meet Brendon's eyes, and he feels so small and stupid right now, sitting rumpled and all alone in Brendon's bed spilling his guts like this, but Brendon deserves to have this spelled out, because they've really put him through hell and he knows it, even if Brendon would never have said a word.

 

"It, um. It turns out that I didn't—or, well, _don't—_love her the way I should have, and she deserves better than that, and I do, too, and it's just. I can't be what she wants me to, and she can't be what I want either, because what I want is...uh, you."

 

Brendon doesn't speak or blink or breathe for several seconds, and Spencer starts to panic.

 

"Maybe you don't—um. I mean, I know you might not want..._me, _but I hoped—but. Even if you don't, it's okay, I mean—because—"

 

Brendon is across the room and on the bed like magic, and Spencer can feel his own face lighting up in spite of himself, and how embarrassing, Christ, this would have been so much better if he could have been awake enough to maintain at least _some _of his cool. But Brendon stops just short of Spencer, his eyes huge and uncertain in spite of everything.

  
"Are you sure?" he finally asks, and his voice sounds a little strangled, a little choked. "Spence, are you—?"

 

Spencer has morning breath like whoa, and he knows it—he can tell by the taste of dead animal on his tongue—and that is seriously not sexy but he can't even help himself, so he just sort of shoves his way forward and captures Brendon's mouth with his own, and Brendon doesn't seem to care about the roadkill on Spencer's tongue, because he's _doing _it again, kissing Spencer like it's all he ever wants to do in the world, and Spencer is _so _okay with that plan.

 

He's on his back with Brendon sprawled across his chest before he knows it, breathless and panting and totally undone, and Brendon's kisses have an edge of wildness to them today, a little frantic like he can't believe this is really real, and Spencer can hear Ryan moving deliberately around out in the living room, pointedly turning up the volume on the TV, and he laughs a little helplessly against Brendon's mouth because he doesn't even care.

  
Brendon laughs back, because he's Brendon and laughter of any kind just generally kind of makes him happy, and Spencer is probably a little starry-eyed and goofy right now, but that's okay. Brendon is a little starry-eyed and goofy, too.

 

"Are we really doing this?" Brendon asks against Spencer's mouth, beaming helplessly at Spencer with such joyful eyes that Spencer doesn't quite feel worthy of it.

 

Worthy or not, though, it's his now—it's for him, this is for him—and he's all too fucking happy to take it.

 

"Yeah," he says, grinning all over his face like an idiot and watching the way Brendon's eyes go soft and dazed again. 

 

It isn't going to be perfect. There's going to be a Haley-shaped hole in Spencer's life for a long time, and that's not something Brendon can fill or fix and it _shouldn't _be. It's going to hurt, and things with Brendon are going to be weird sometimes and band stuff is probably going to get a little weird sometimes, too.

  
So, okay, it isn't always going to be easy. But Spencer's pretty sure it's going to be amazing, anyway.

  
He pulls Brendon more firmly on top of himself, bending his knee to slide his thigh up between Brendon's legs, and tilts his mouth up for another long, mindless kiss, which Brendon is only too happy to give him.

 

And, yeah. It's pretty fucking amazing.

—

End.


End file.
